Tolerance vs. Acceptance

This has actually been a long time coming. For many years I have been against tolerance.

Yes, heard the collective drawing in of everyone's breath. Please, let me explain.

Tolerance is defined as:

1:  capacity to endure pain or hardship :  endurance, fortitude, stamina

2
a :  sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own

b :  the act of allowing something :  toleration

Yes, this can be good. What the dictionary doesn't explain to us, is the social implications of the word. Socially tolerate conjures images of putting up with, enduring something we do not want to endure. It projects an image of, "Well, I'll tolerate this for the rest of this event." or "OMG! WHY!?"

Acceptance is defined as:

1

:  an agreeing either expressly or by conduct to the act or offer of another so that a contract is concluded and the parties become legally bound2
:  the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable3
:  the act of accepting :  the fact of being accepted :  approval

Acceptance is well, just that-acceptance.

Ask yourself, would you rather be tolerated or accepted? 

I'M ALIVE!!!!!!

WOW! I can hear all of you saying it now-those that are left. 

My life has been extremely busy, chaotic and a mish mash of chaos, ups, downs, lefts and rights. Too much to sort through enough to write about. Too confused and thinking way to much to make any of it come out in writing. 

there has been forward movement, back steps and lots of introspection. 

I am planing to start sharing again. My worries. My views on the world. My Spiritual Journey. My growth. My running from what simply has to be. My pain and sorrow. My joys. THe simple life I have finally found and revel in. 

Am I always happy? NO! And no one should be. 

Am I always blessed? Yes, just as everyone is and we just don't see it. 

Why am I up at 1:00 a.m.? Well, there are two cases of Golden Delicious apples sitting here that are just begging to be worked up into chunky applesauce. Waiting to bottle up the first batch of sugar free, creamy yellow, piece of heaven in that pot and process it. 

There is so much I want to share and so much I have planned. 

Pass the word around-CHAKWAINA IS BACK!!

The Four (Five) Agreements Installment 3 of 5

My sincere apologies for not having written this, as promised the next day after Installment 2--sometimes life gets in the way of living! As the old saying goes, "THe best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."

I have just had a lot on mind, much going on in my family and life and knitting and Family Farm Seaside have been mine distractions when not working on a pair of moccasins.

Now, on to the Third Agreement--

" Don’t make assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."

Oh how true! How many times have you been in a pickle because someone assumed you were going to finish a sentence with something way off from what you were actually going to say? Or someone assumed your intentions instead of listening to what you spoke as your intentions?

Think about those situations. Were feelings hurt?

Now, think about the hurt feelings that have you caused by assuming.

Here is an aspect we often don't think about assumptions-we, as humans, place others in the position where they are are almost forced (they still have to decide to assume) because we did/do not speak or communicate what we want or need.

Mothers-we assume that the people in our lives-mother, mother-in-law, grandmothers, friends, siblings, spouse KNOW we need a break from the children. We never speak up. We self-talk ourselves into believing they all know and they should offer to take the children off our hands for a couple hours. They don't. We fume.

Better solution-speak up. Tell them you need a few hours alone to re-group. Then ask, "Can you please watch the children for me on Tuesday afternoon?" or "Honey, will you spend a few hours playing games with the children or watching a movie tonight? I just need a couple hours for me."

I have always been a firm believer in asking questions. My Daddy used to tell me, "ASK! All they can do is say is yes or no, they can't eat you for supper."

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" (Mat 7:7 KJV)
"For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened." (Mat 7:8 KJV)

"And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." (Luk 11:9 KJV)
"For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened." (Luk 11:10 KJV)

The Four (Five) Agreements Installment 2 of 5

Yesterday I wrote about the First Agreement, you can read that blog post here. Tonight I want to explore the second agreement--

                  2. Don't take anything personally.  Nothing others do is because of you. What others say                         and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams. When you are immune to                         the opinions and actions of others, you won‟t be the victim of needless suffering.


You, nor i are so big or important that someone makes choices about what they do or say because of us. That's simple.

When someone insults you, think about this--they are speaking words that are their own, personal truth. It has nothing to do with you. I knew a person once that would tell me I was ugly. Not often, usually after they had a bad week. What I cam to over hear was them actually speaking to themselves-out loud, "I am so ugly." They were speaking about how they felt about the person in the mirror-not me.

Another person, very dear to me, would and still does say, "You can never make a living running your own business." As I have grown older and matured, I see so many people earning a living by running their own business. What I came to understand was this person had their own doubts & greed that caused to them to be scared. hey projected that fear out towards others.

As the old saying goes, "Misery loves company." When people have their own set of fears, doubts, concerns, need to control, insecurities and a host of other negative emotions--they project them on others.

Do not accept them as yours.

Also, when you have so-called negative emotions--work through them. Do not victimize others by projecting your emotions on others.

Not only should you think before you speak, think before you listen.

The Four (Five) Agreements First of Five Installments

Sometimes, things in your life just keep happening. You wonder, "Why?" I have come to believe it is because you have not yet learned the lesson therefore Creator God, keeps presenting it.

Recently, the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (available here The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) ) was given to me. I have read it in the past and it is one of those books worth reading. There is now a fifth agreement (available here The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery (Toltec Wisdom) ). This, i have not read, but with some research, discovered what it is.

These five simple agreements, made with ones own self, applied to your own life, are powerful. They transcend culture, nationality, religion, spirituality. They are the true reality of your own core being.

Let's explore:

1. Be impeccable with your word Speak with integrity, say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

So easy, yet so hard. We live in a society that all but demands we speak with integrity, yet at the same times we are only supposed to look a certain way, speak a certain way, think a certain way, act a certain way, have a job that pays so much, drive certain vehicles--the list is endless.

We look in the mirror at our reflection each morning as we get ready for the day and wonder how to make that illusion society wants from us a reality--or at least a believable illusion.


We begin by speaking to ourselves that we must dress to look skinny since we are not as skinny as we should be. We comb our hair into a style that will impress others around us. We tell ourselves we must use certain brands of body wash, perfume/cologne, hair products, etc. We stop at a certain coffee shop on the way to work because we must maintain the illusion we can afford it.

At work, we not only listen to the "office" gossip, we actually participate in it--even if you only listen.

This Agreement, that I believe we all should make with ourselves-tells us to speak with integrity to others and ourselves. How can you be honest with others if you are not honest with yourself?

Why do you speak "ugly" (as my Mother would say) to yourself about yourself? Creator God did make any mistakes when He made each of us. He made us in His image-therefore when we speak bad about ourselves we are putting Him down.

Ever made a mistake? So has everyone else. We tell each other, "Judge not lest you be judged!", then we start using our words against others. "Did you hear Suzy went out with that biker dude? What was she thinking?' You just judged Suzy and her date with your words. In doing so, you brought judgement upon yourself-from yourself-just wait til the drive home-you will start whispering words to yourself about every little mistake you made today.

Try speaking words of truth and love to yourself and everyone around you. Tell yourself "Good Morning!" Tell everyone you see 'Good Day." Make a positive comment, "You look nice today." After a week of this you will see such an improvement in yourself, in your attitude, in your outlook on life, in how you feel about yourself.

Consider this-[1Pe 3:10 KJV]  For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:

[Pro 12:19 KJV]  The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue [is] but for a moment.
[Pro 15:4 KJV]  A wholesome tongue [is] a tree of life: but perverseness therein [is] a breach in the spirit.
[Pro 18:21 KJV]  Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
[Pro 21:23 KJV]  Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.