Living with Ankylosing Spondylitis: My Journey with Invisible Pain

 

Today, I want to talk about something deeply personal: ankylosing spondylitis (AS). It’s a type of arthritis that primarily affects the spine. In my case, the vertebrae in my spine are fusing together—that is what the “ankylosing” means. The result? Pain. Stiffness. And a very different way of moving through life.

AS doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some people experience little to no pain. For me, it comes in waves. I was diagnosed around 2008, after what we initially thought was just a pulled muscle. But the pain got worse—so bad at times that I would literally pass out from it.

I haven't had a severe flare since 2015, when a five-hour surgery forced me to lay flat on my back. That position triggered a brutal recurrence. Since then, I can't sleep on my back without days of lumbar spine pain.

My History with Treatment

Back in the day, opioid prescriptions were handed out like candy. I was told to take 4–5 opioid pills a day, along with very high doses of Gabapentin. I didn’t follow that plan exactly. I took the opioids at lower doses, three times a day at most, and they didn’t make me feel any kind of way—I was careful to use them only when I truly needed them. The Gabapentin, on the other hand, was prescribed at very high levels, but I found that much lower doses were enough to calm the neuropathies. Even so, it started affecting my memory, and some of those issues have lingered. I’m grateful I listened to my body and adjusted things, especially now that we know how dangerous and addictive some of those medications can be.

Now, things are more complicated. I take Xarelto for blood clot prevention, which means I can’t take NSAIDs. Tylenol is technically "safe," but for me, it might as well be a sugar pill—it does nothing.

Recent Flare and Modifications

For the past two weeks, I’ve been in a pretty severe flare. I don’t know what triggered it, but the pain hit hard. I had to adapt my surroundings. My bed is on a platform, which makes it easier to get in and out of—but it still requires sitting up and bending, which has been tough.

Blessedly, I found a lift chair recliner on Facebook Marketplace for just $25. My youngest son picked it up, and a friend helped fix the minor issue it had. It’s been a game changer. I can now recline and stand without straining my back.

I visited the doctor, got a steroid injection, and it helped quite a bit. I'm going for lower spine x-rays soon to assess how far the disease has progressed.

Other Symptoms: Vertigo and Neuropathy

On top of the spinal issues, I’ve been dealing with vertigo. When it hits, the room doesn’t spin—I just get deeply nauseous. Sometimes it feels like I’m standing sideways when I’m upright. I’ve avoided taking meds for it because they make me too sleepy. Instead, I use peppermint essential oil, which helps. I have little vials placed around my house—by my chair, bed, desk, kitchen, and bathroom.

Then there are the neuropathies. The extra bone growth from AS can trap or pinch nerves. Sometimes, it feels like my face is on fire. Other times it’s a burning hand, stabbing arm, or a foot that feels electrocuted. It’s unpredictable and exhausting.

I also have degenerative disc disease. The last time I was checked, I had two vertebrae with no disc left—just bone grinding on bone.

Living with Invisible Illness

Here’s the most important thing I want you to understand: This is an invisible illness. People look at me and maybe think I have bad posture. But it’s not just posture—it’s fused bones. I often stand or move in ways that minimize pain, even if they don’t look “normal.”

It’s not that I don’t want to do things. It’s that I can’t. Every day is a choice:

• Can I stand in the kitchen long enough to cook?
• Should I batch meals for the week or just try to get through today?
• Can I go to the store—or will I have to pay for delivery (which isn’t easy where I live)?

Even something like carrying groceries requires careful planning. Because of my aortic aneurysms and AS, I can’t lift over 10 pounds. I either use reusable bags with just a few items or get 10 plastic bags for 10 items.

Dog food? That’s another project. I can’t lift a 50-lb bag. So, I use a scoop and a wagon to move it bit by bit into bins and feeders. Friends and family help when they can—and I’m so grateful for them.

On Gratitude and Grace

Despite everything, I’m thankful. I’m thankful that I’m not in pain every single day. I’m thankful that I have support when I need it. And I’m thankful for the good days when the pain is manageable.

Generally, I live at a pain level of about 3-4 on a scale of 10. For the past couple of weeks, it’s been closer to 9. Thankfully, things are easing up after the injection—but it has affected my ability to work, especially my gig work and hustles. I’ve had to pause things like mystery shopping and inspection jobs that require driving or walking. Sitting has been unbearable and watching a computer screen

Please, Don’t Judge What You Can’t See

If you take nothing else from this, take this: Just because someone looks fine doesn’t mean they are. Your friend who used to be the life of the party? They still want to go. They just can’t.

Be kind. Be patient. Offer help when you can. And take care of your body. Stretch. Eat well. Go for walks. Hug your loved ones.

Because one day, you may find yourself facing invisible pain too.

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Want to Learn More?

Here are some resources I recommend:

• 💙 The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino – A great way to understand chronic illness and energy management
• 📘 Spondylitis Association of America – What is Ankylosing Spondylitis?

Should I Blog About Chronic Health Conditions? I’d Love Your Input.

 

Lately, I’ve been thinking about adding a new topic to this blog: chronic health conditions—specifically, the ones I live with.

No, I didn’t say suffer from. That’s important to me. I live with these conditions, I manage them, and while they affect my life, they don’t define it.

Here’s what I’m thinking, and I’d really appreciate your feedback:
Would you prefer that I write about each condition separately—maybe even create sub-blogs or categories for each? Or would you rather I focus more on how they all affect me together, as a whole, in daily life?

Because the truth is, that’s how I experience them. Not in neat little boxes. They overlap. One flares, and it triggers another. Some days are hard. But honestly? Most days, I get up, go about my life, and don’t even think about it until it’s time to take medication or supplements. Even then, it’s more like, “Oh yeah—I take this because it helps with that.”

So I’m considering a blend:

• Individual posts or sub-pages for each condition (for those looking for specific info or shared experience),

• And then main blog posts that talk about the big picture—what it’s like juggling them all, how I manage, what’s helped, what hasn’t.

Would that be helpful to you? Would you want to read it?

Please scroll down and drop a comment to let me know your thoughts.
I want this space to be supportive, informative, and real—and your input truly matters.

Thanks for being here. 💜

Life, Work, and Everything in Between: Welcome Back to My Blog

 

Welcome Back — I’m Blogging Again!

So as you can see, it’s been a while since I’ve written. Life has a way of getting in the way sometimes. But recently, I’ve been encouraged to start my blog up again. After thinking it over, I’ve decided to make a little time and work on doing just that.

At this point, I’m not putting myself or this blog into a box. I’ve always lived outside the box. When I wanted to raise animals and grow the majority of our own food, everyone told me I couldn’t do it — but we did. Maybe not as much as we could have, but we did it. And I’m going to do this too.

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What You’ll Find Here

This blog is going to be a mix of things:

• Personal stories

• Practical advice

• Ideas for surviving and thriving in today’s world

A lot of what we need to do isn’t necessarily new — it’s just that we may need to approach things differently now.

In the past, if we wanted extra income, we’d pick up side gigs: woodworking, welding, cleaning houses on the weekends, or babysitting for a neighbor. Those skills are still valuable, and if you have them, use them. But today, we also have new ways to work entirely from home, whether you’re entry-level or someone earning six figures a year. I’ll be sharing those newer opportunities too.

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Make Money, Save Money

I’ll be writing about ways to make money by saving money. I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” And he was right.

You’ll get a glimpse into how I save and make money on a daily, weekly, and yearly basis. And no — buying in bulk isn’t hoarding. That myth spread during COVID when people panicked. I was raised to leave a little for others, but if it’s the last day of a sale and your family needs it, it’s okay to pick up what you’ll use.

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Work-from-Home Ideas and Job Stacking

I’ll be sharing listings for places where you can work remotely, either as a 1099 contractor or a W-2 employee. Keep in mind, people’s experiences differ with these companies. Every supervisor has a different personality, so it’s good to stay open-minded.

I’ll also cover ways to expand your education at little to no cost and how to stack side jobs wisely. Now, let me be clear — I don’t advocate working multiple jobs at the exact same time while you’re on company clocks. You can’t give good service that way. I personally have three or four gigs when it’s not tax season, but I stagger them on different days or times.

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Put Yourself First

And here’s a reminder you’ll hear from me often: take care of yourself first.
You can’t take care of your family or give your best to your work if you’re running on empty. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to schedule the important stuff first — family, health, and personal time — and then schedule your work around those things. We have more flexibility now than ever before, and it’s time we started using it.

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Gardening, Meal Prep, and More

I’ll be sharing gardening tips, too. The way I garden may not work for you, and that’s okay. Soil, weather, and growing conditions vary — sometimes even within the same town. Take what works for you, and share your own tips in the comments to help others.

I’ll also talk about meal prepping — not necessarily cooking every meal for the week, but small things like chopping veggies ahead of time or marinating meat to save yourself time later. Little steps make a big difference.

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And There’s More to Come

I have so many other things I want to discuss here. From personal experiences and reflections to practical skills and resources for modern living, there’s a lot on my heart and mind that I want to share. Some topics will be lighthearted, others more serious — but all of it will be real, useful, and from my own journey.

If there’s anything you’d like me to write about, drop a comment below. I’d love to hear your ideas!

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YouTube Channel Revamp

And finally — I’m planning to revamp my YouTube channel. It won’t just be me this time; I’ll have guest speakers too. That project’s been in the works for about a month and a half. I move slow sometimes, but it’s coming.

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Thanks for being here — I’m looking forward to this next chapter. Stay tuned!

Seasonal Allergies

This post contains affiliate links.


As many of you do, I have seasonal allergies. Spring and Fall are actually my favorite seasons. The weather is just right for anything outdoors: camping, fishing, yard work, gardening, even good choring weather.

Unless--you have seasonal allergies! You know, stuffy nose, that creates a breeding ground for bacteria so you end up with a sinus infection. These things lead to just being so tired!

I have discovered some other things, not so limiting, that do help. 

1.  Cover your hair--Our fore parents covered their hair to keep it clean and to not have to wash it so often. Not a bad idea. But seriously, pollen gets in your hair and sticks to it and all the products in it. Then when you are sleeping, all that wallowing around in the arms of Morpheus, loosens up that pollen and you breathe it in. 

2.   Rinse your sinuses--Invest in a good sinus rinse device that you are comfortable with. I use the Neil-Med pictured below. I use the saline packets along with Alkolol. 

I rinse my sinuses at least twice daily during Spring and Fall. 

3.   Invest in a good diffuser--I use The Breeze, which can be purchased here. 

4.   Use the above noted diffuser. Mine runs almost 24/7! My personal base essential oil is eucalyptus. Other essential oils I add together or alone are peppermint, rosemary, spearmint, and/or lemon. 

First Bible Verse I Memorized

Psa 19:14 KJV - Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable] in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Now, for the entire Psalm:

[[To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.]] The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.
Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge.
[There is] no speech nor language, [where] their voice is not heard.
Their line is gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them hath he set a tabernacle for the sun,
Which [is] as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, [and] rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
His going forth [is] from the end of the heaven, and his circuit unto the ends of it: and there is nothing hid from the heat thereof.
The law of the LORD [is] perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD [is] sure, making wise the simple.
The statutes of the LORD [are] right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD [is] pure, enlightening the eyes.
The fear of the LORD [is] clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD [are] true [and] righteous altogether.
More to be desired [are they] than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
Moreover by them is thy servant warned: [and] in keeping of them [there is] great reward.
Who can understand [his] errors? cleanse thou me from secret [faults].
Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous [sins]; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression.
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Beautiful, as is the entire Bible. I was young, grade school, about 3rd or 4th grade. We went to the Methodist church where the preacher had two pastorates so every other Sunday we had "preaching" before Sunday school. My Sunday School teacher was Mrs. For-tes-que (really, I have no idea if that is spelled correctly or not, I have slept an awful lot since then--- but that is how it was pronounced.) and she taught my VBS class and my MYF group. He husband owned the only jewelry store in town of course it was a small town-Chocowinity, N.C. .

Believe me, you do NOT know the definition of "small town" until you have been there.

Many years later, when my first husband and I went through a very troubling spot in the road of life, that as always involved dealing with people-other humans that can not quote you correctly, listen well enough to hear what you (or anyone) actually says or see and act with compassion and common sense. He was having to fight hard the feelings of anger and acting upon that anger in inappropriate ways, feelings bordering on hatred and violence.

I really and truly never, at that time, felt of those basic and very normal emotions. One day he asked me why, why did I not want to physically hurt these people for what they had done?

I had no answer. David felt God had given me some gift that had not been bestowed upon him--not in a jealous way-just said as a matter of fact.

As the next several days went about their business, I thought about David's question of, "Why?" It was a good question. No matter the battle of the moment, I knew the end goal of the war at hand, kept my eye on that and fought each little battle with that in the forefront of my mind. Was it that I was just too busy to slow down and let those human emotions wash through me? If so, when it was all over would it all come crashing down on my shoulders/heart at once? If so, was it not better to have battled small, daily battles with these emotions as David was doing?

I began asking God why was He letting me stay so calm through it all. Was He just setting me up for a bigger, much worse war to come crashing down on top of me like a skyscraper in an earthquake?

The first verse that came to me was, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it". Proverbs 22:6.

This was NOT the answer.

In the still of the night, long after all the babies were asleep, I heard, "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." It all came back when I heard it the second time. The room in the church. My little friend getting his ear ripped open that night after MYF meeting, as we played outside and he ran too close a rolled out window. I could not however, remember what the "address" of the verse was. Didn't matter. This was the answer. 

This wonderful verse had been planted in my heart as a child. I had no way to not return to it. I did not even remember the verse until months after it sprouted and flowered. 

But in those little hearts you have been entrusted with, the tools they will need in the future. Just like you fill their heads with knowledge they will need, fill their hearts too. . .

Talking to Surgeon

I went yesterday and spoke to the surgeon. She is a very sweet lady, I met her before, she did my biopsy. She explained to me that having adenomyosis, which is what they believe I have, is the better choice. I also need to have a rectocele repair. (I have had this for 22 years after a doctor felt the need to use high forceps on me & for reasons beyond any other OB/GYN, refused to repair it.)

The other option for adenomyosis is to have an ablation. This would be done out-patient and I would have to return for the rectocele repair. Also, though I prefer to keep my cervix, doing so, could cause the repair to by stress.

This sweet young surgeon does not charge for her work during surgery for Faith Family Clinic. (Please consider donating to this wonderful facility providing medical care for the working yet uninsured.).

She performs these surgeries at The Women's Hospital at Centennial Medical Center. It will be a laproscopic hysterectomy, leaving the ovaries, unless they have problems. Then the rectocele will be repaired.

She says I should up and about in 3 weeks, with restrictions such as no lifting, no floor care, etc. She will tell me fully after she exams how I have healed to that point.

Her surgery scheduler will call me soon and we will pick a date after the first of the year. Then I will go to the hospital and find out who my anesthesiologist is, how much they are going to charge me ($0-$?????) and what the hospital bill is going to be.

I believe I will schedule early in the year, say January, so I can be functional by time to put the garden in.

Facing Surgery

At 45 I have only had two surgeries and been under general anesthesia four times. The prospect of the "little death" is actually more scary than the surgery itself.

The first time was when my third child, David Israel, was born. He was posterior. My midwife had transported me to the hospital due to the fact I was having so much pain between contractions and my babies were so large. She also could not determine what part of the baby was presenting. Fear of a transverse presentation  (I did experience this with a later delivery) and a possibly rupturing uterus, we called for an ambulance.

This was not a good birthing experience for me. The doctor refused to allow me to have any support person what so ever in the labor room with me after giving me pain meds-actually giving me "Twilight Sleep". Had I known this before, I would have refused. Had it known it was "Twilight Sleep", I would have refused. In the delivery room, I was given ether, tied down by my wrists and ankles, "delivered of the child by use of 'high' forceps" and woke up later in a 3rd bed in a recovery room (3rd room), asking for my baby. I was told it was a male and nothing else could be told me to until my mother-in-law arrived. They refused to let my husband any where near me, with good reason for their safety. The child was born "coal tar black", not breathing, and suffered a seizure a few days later that caused enlargement of the ventricles in his brain which also results in shrinkage of the brain itself. This resulted in a diagnosis of Severe Spastic Cerebral Palsy.

You can only imagine how this affected my view of hospital births, (my previous 2 had been born at home), and anesthesia during birth. Please note, this happened in 1990.

The next time I went under general anesthesia was in 1994 when my fifth child was born. Sabrina Eden had been breech. My doctor attempted an External Cephalic Version. This child got transverse with her head right under my heart and very literally started shaking her head, "NO!" We could see it on the ultra-sound and my belly! She is still the child will dig her heels in!

Needless to say, her refusal to even go back to a breech position, resulted in a C-Section two weeks later when labor started spontaneously, four weeks early. (She weighed in at 9lbs. 3 oz. & was 21 inches long). This was a different doctor. Different hospital. Different county. Not the home-birth I had so wanted again, but a much better hospital experience than before.

My next general anesthesia experience was four years later in 1998, had my gall bladder removed after they saw "gravel" in it when doing an ultra sound of my kidneys. I came out of surgery with elevated blood pressure. I remember waking up to the recovery nurse telling me to open my mouth, she wanted me to take a sub-lingual dose of Corgard.  I had warned the doctors and nurses, before surgery, that this medication had been used on me before and it always bottomed out my blood pressure., a potentially life-threatening condition, especially as it dropped to something over 63. (Note-I was at the hospital I gave birth to David Israel in.)

The last time was in 2010. I had a LEEP procedure performed. I woke up once, no drifting in and out, no recovery of senses but no eyes open, just suddenly my eyes were open. The nurse came in a few minutes later, took my vitals, told me to go get something to eat, went over after-care instructions and sent me home. I puked my guts out as I stepped out of the car at the house.

As you see, I have mixed experiences  with "going under". I have some serious reservations about loosing body parts. (Have always regretted letting the gall bladder be removed.) But I have lots of things to consider here.

In seven short days I go talk to the GYN Surgeon to see if she will take my case or refer me to someone else. As a self-pay patient, making less than $20,000 a year, I am also considered a "charity" case. If she will take my case, I will need to already know what I want to do so that I can make pre-payment arrangements with her and the hospital.

The GYN agreed to administer an injection of Progesterone to buy me some symptom relief for 3 months. I asked for this. Those that have known me any length of time, will know that would not be a normal choice for me. However, I am sick of vaginal bleeding every day, menstrual cycles that have been diagnosed as "hemorrhaging", all degrees of uterine cramping, severe anemia and all of its symptoms.

I have been one of the lucky ones, to be very in touch with my body since a young age-in my teens. I always know when I ovulate. I know when something is wrong or right. I was very blessed to actually know the very moment of conception of each of my ten children and therefore to have truly known them and communicated with them from that very moment. I have always been at peace with my body and being a woman and having a uterus-bleeding on a regular basis. It was a a blessing of God. But in recent years, the past 3 or so, the spells of actually hating my body have become increasingly longer & more frequent.

I have 6 days to consider all the options and the pros & cons of each. My inner student is doing lots of research. 

Today's Events

Today has been fairly productive. I made some Butter Cookies using strawberry flavoring instead of vanilla. They have turned out a pretty red color and as delicate and melt in your mouth as ever--with a delicate strawberry flavor! Pat on my own back for such a great, yet simple idea.

Made some Christmas Balls using orange juice and fresh orange zest instead of rum or brandy. They are fairly good also. I do prefer using the Hershey Special Dark cocoa powder as opposed to regular flavor.

MRS came over to sit with his Mom for a bit while I ran to the local "dig store"-Helping Hands of Lyles- to grab some clothes for the grand kids. They are not open Saturday, so had to go today. The blessing was today was half price day so I just went down the wall of children's clothes and grabbed stuff. With this many grands, all of it will be used.

Have been working on my Etsy store and my Facebook Fanpage. Both are looking good-now to get some things made up and ready to sell.

MRS's friends are coming over in the morning to have a squirrel breakfast. I had planned to sleep in but got a message that the grandbaby that is visiting has a dental appointment at 9 a.m.

Off to get a little bit of reading done.

Time to Catch Up!!

It has been a bit since I really sat down here and wrote. So much has happened and is happening right now.

My grand daughter, Kimberlee, has decided that for her eighth birthday on December 17th, she wants a sewing machine. Seems she wants to start making her own clothes, aprons and things for her dolls. Her mom, Virgillia, has decided to buy her a sewing machine and the rest of us are going to put her together a sewing basket of all the needed notions-thread, needles, pins, buttons, cloth and of course the basket to hold it all.

I really can't wait to get in my craft room and go through and get all those pretty pieces of fabric she has taken note of over the past year and get them together for her. Even better will be to see her open all these presents.

I am knee deep in Christmas baking. All sorts of cookies, pies and cakes. I love it. This year I have discovered the joy of using a cookie press. I now MUST have every disc ever made!!!

The pitfalls and joys of waiting on a medical test result are manifesting. The joy is that you can still have moments of thinking you are healthy. The pitfalls are many-waiting on pins & needles, worrying just what the results will be, running over the hundreds of possible results and the thousands of treatment courses for EACH.

Did lots of canning this past summer. Actually still doing some as food stuffs present themselves on mega good sale. The garden did not do near as well we would have liked, but people gifted us with surplus from their gardens and several that went somewhere to pick for themselves would be gracious enough to pick extra for us and stop by with it.

Did you notice the "we"? Yes, I am dating again. It is strange in some ways, almost surreal at times. MRS (yes, his real initials) is very sweet, very patient, and a widower himself. He made sure that I made it to Pau Wau (Pow Wow) this year and went with, therefore meeting my Mother and Brother. So far, they like him. My children have had their own little pow wow and come to the conclusion that MRS is, ". . .the only normal person you have EVER dated. . ." The grands love him dearly.

His family is very special to my heart. They all have this beautiful, wonderful sense of true family that I have only ever dreamed of being a part of.

Dave's sister, Robbie, went to the nursing home a few months before he passed. I promised to make sure she was taken care of and will honor that. Her Alzheimer's is "stabilized". By that they can predict what she is going to do or say to some extinct. She is not changing much. She believes the nursing home is her house and  is very grateful that Bob (her deceased husband) makes enough money to hire her a lot of help as she could never keep such a large place clean by herself.

Pistol, my son, gave me a horse for Mother's Day. Blue Heart is a Quarter horse mix-we believe the "mix" may be giraffe--he has the longest neck we have ever seen on a horse!! I don't spend enough time with him but it is so peaceful to sit on the front porch and watch him. He is in a pasture with MRS's male, neutered donkey named Esmeralda.

Pistol also gave me a smart phone--it has not proven to be as much of a smart phone as a smart a$$ phone! I have enjoyed it though and will continue to do so until such time as I can do some research and decide which one I want to buy.

MRS built us a craft room. He makes knives and the sheaths for them. They are wonderful creations. Working on getting Chakwaina's Creations up, running and profitable.

That is about all for now. Hoping to be writing more often.

Define Your Supreme Being

I am going to attempt to put into words my answer to the question, "How does your religion define the Supreme Being?"

Note this is my personal answer. I do not imagine myself able to answer this question for any set "religion" or any other person.

I prefer to use the word "Creator" and will do so here. 

Creator is Supreme over all things in the Universe. Some of the Native American Nations or Tribes call the Supreme Being "The Great Mystery" because He is such.

He created EVERYTHING. He is omnipotent. He is loving and truly wants only the best for all of His Creation-Earth, other planets, the stars, moon, trees, water, all animals, and humans.

He provides everything for us through His other creations. 

He expects us to treat each other and all of his creations with loving respect and reverence. 

List of Things I Like To Do

1. Read--mostly non-fiction 
2. Learn
3. Listen to music
4. Interact with people
5. Attend Pow Wows or Pau Waus
6. Sit around a fire with my closest friends
7. Camp 
8. Fish
9. Hunt
10. Cook
11. Spend time with my Significant Other just being together
12. Watch a good movie
13. Spend time with my family
14. Watch the animals and other aspects of Nature-being awed.

Native Wisdom Chapter 1 Questions

The questions posed to be answered by Ed McGaa, Eagle Man, during the speech that became the basis for Chapter One of the book are as follows:

1. How does your religion define the Supreme Being?
2. Share your thoughts on God. Did He create us?
3. How does your religion explain the unknown, such as creation?
4. Is this religion based on the existence of an immortal being?
5. How did the "higher power" become the 'higher power"?
6. How does your God manifest itself to humans?
7. Is He always watching?
8. Does your God have a gender?
9. Is your religion defined by what one thinks and does?
10. What is the underlying theme of your religion?
11. Where do you believe your Supreme Being exists?

As you read and follow my blog within a blog about these questions and the others, it is imperative you remember that I am answering from my own heart and perspective. I do not, nor am I able to answer these questions for anyone else. 

As I was copying these questions from the book, I noticed that the Humanities students are already influenced by their upbringings, the society around them, media, etc. as we all are. They are assuming the "supreme Being" is male but then they realize the assumption and ask, "Does your God have a gender?"

I am looking forward to discovering my own beliefs in more depth as I answer these questions. My hope is that each of my readers will do the same thing. 

Some of My Favorite Songs

My Way

The Candy Man

Nobody Knows It But Me

Bless the Broken Road

Questions On Spirituality We Should All Answer for Ourselves

I began reading "Native Wisdom: Perceptions of the Natural Way" by Ed McGaa, Eagle Man. I only read a few pages. I read enough to understand that the book had come out of an invitation to speak, along with others of differing belief systems, at a college. He was addressing a Humanities class and they had submitted a set of questions they wanted to be answered by each speaker.

I turned to the back of the book and found the list of questions. Reading through these I realized that it would be truly beneficial for every person to answer these questions for themselves about themselves. 

In reality, how many of us can calmly, rationally and convincingly answer serious questions about our own Spiritual Beliefs?

Most of us were taught things like, "Never discuss religion." 'Never argue about religion."  and "Never discuss religion and politics in the same conversation."

I have never understood these idioms and I prefer to use the word Spirituality as opposed to religion. Your Spirituality, or claimed lack of it, affects every aspect of your thinking and living. How are we to ever understand and accept each other, if we do not discuss it?

These questions presented to Ed McGaa are divided up into sections, the sections reflecting a general category that the answers would fall under. He addresses each section of questions in a separate chapter of the book. These are as follows:

1. Who is God?
2. How did you become involved?
3. Worldwide Philosophy
4. Good, Evil and Afterlife
5. Beseechment
6. Miracles
7. Rules, Restrictions and Conflict
8. Hierarchy, Matriarchy, Patriarchy
9. Government and Social Issues
10. Followers of the Natural Way (note the sub-title of the book)

My plan is to answer the questions under each heading/chapter, for myself and where better to do this, than my blog? I would truly love to have a true conversation here on my blog, with my readers about this. Please do join in.

I make no promises about how often I will write but will try my best to write each week. 

You Didn't See Me

I saw you hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line. But you
didn't see me put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.

I saw you pull your child closer when we passed each other on the sidewalk.
But you didn't see me playing Santa at the local Mall.

I saw you change your mind about going into the restaurant when you saw my
bike parked out front. But you didn't see me attending a meeting to raise
more money for the hurricane relief.

I saw you roll up your window and shake your head when I rode by. But you
didn't see me riding behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the
car window.

I saw you frown at me when I smiled at your children. But you didn't see me,
when I took time off from work to run toys to the homeless.

I saw you stare at my long hair. But you didn't see me and my friends cut ten
inches off for Locks of Love.

I saw you roll your eyes at our Leather jackets and gloves. But you didn't see
me and my brothers donate our old ones to those that had none.

I saw you look in fright at my tattoos. But you didn't see me cry as my
children were born or have their name written over and in my heart.

I saw you change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere. But you didn't see
me going home to be with my family.

I saw you complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be. But you didn't
see me when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane.

I saw you yelling at your kids in the car. But you didn't see me pat my
child's hands knowing she was safe behind me.

I saw you reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road. But you
didn't see me squeeze my wife's leg when she told me to take the next turn.

I saw you race down the road in the rain. But you didn't see me get soaked to
the skin so my son could have the car to go on his date.

I saw you run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time. But you
didn't see me trying to turn right.

I saw you cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in. But you
didn't see me leave the road.

I saw you, waiting impatiently for my friends to pass. But you didn't see me.
I wasn't there.

I saw you go home to your family. But you didn't see me. Because I died that
day you cut me off.

I was just a biker. A person with friends and a family. But you didn't see me.

About Me

I get a lot of questions asking about me, who I am, what I like, my views. So, I decided that I would just write a blog about myself.

I was born in Charlottesville, Virginia at Martha Jefferson Hospital. We only stayed for about two weeks and moved to Jacksonville, Florida. My Daddy fondly referred to Jacksonville as, "The Gateway to Hell."

I really don't remember living there that time, but we went back for a time when I was in the 5th and 6th grades. I loved the Children's Museum and spent hours there.

We moved a lot. Some of the places we lived were (in no particular order):
Raleigh, North Carolina
Dunn, North Carolina
Durham, North Carolina
Washington, North Carolina
Rock Hill, South Carolina
Salter Path, North Carolina
Tuscaloosa, Alabama

My sun sign is Aquarius and my moon sign is Libra. My birth totem is the Otter.

I enjoy auto racing, billiards, bowling, dancing, swimming, horseback riding, hunting, fishing, primitive camping, playing chess, playing cards, gardening, reading, learning, crocheting, making jewelry, going to yard sales and stopping at antique stores.

If I ever have the time and funds to travel I would love to visit:
Russia
India
Germany
South America

That's it for now.

Am I Condemned to Hades for being Indian?

I have actually had well meaning people tell I am.

They rarely ask me what my Spiritual or Religious beliefs are or if they do, they ask AFTER having told me Indians/Native Americans are going to hades.

Never can they explain to me why the Indigenous Peoples of America are supposedly condemned by the Creator/God to an eternity of fire and brimstone--just what the collective sin or sin of race or culture is.

Once the statement of so called fact is made, the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Do we agree that there is one supreme being above all else in the universe?

They: Yes.

Me: Do we agree that according to the Bible, that being is a loving God?

They: Yes.

Me: Yet you are telling me that this loving God, created me for no other reason to watch me burn and suffer for an eternity? What kind of love is that?

The conversation generally ends at that point with the other person walking away, head hung down.

Favorite Songs-Well Some of Them

 1.  Witchy Woman - The Eagles
 2.  Marie Laveau - Bobby Bare
 3.  Smooth - Santana
 4.  Life In The Fast Lane - The Eagles
 5.  Dirty Laundry - Don Henley
 6.  I Can't Drive 55 - Sammy Hagar
 7.  Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves - Cher
 8.  On The Dark Side - John Cafferty and The Beaver Brown Band
 9.  Elvira - Oak Ridge Boys
10.  Pistol Packin Mama - Hank Thompson
11.  Long Cool Woman In a Black Dress - The Hollies
12.  Kisses Sweeter Than Wine - Jimmie Rodgers
13.  Easy Lovin - Freddie Hart
14.  Rock & Roll Lullaby - B. J. Thomas
15.  Mambo Italiano - Dean Martin
16.  Macarena - Los del Rio  
17.  How Far is Heaven - Los Lonely Boys
18.  Walkin on the Sun - Smash Mouth
19.  Heaven's on Fire - KISS
20.  Proud Mary - Ike & Tina Turner            

Some Of My Favorite Movies

These are listed in no particular order:

• Children of a Lesser God
• The Bucket List
• Medicine Man
• Marnie
• Entrapment
• Legends of the Fall
• Scent of a Woman
• The Blind Side
• Gran Torino
• October Sky
• Cinderella Man
• Gangs of New York
• Fried Green Tomatoes
• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• The Notebook
• The Guardian
• Million Dollar Baby
• Fly Away Home
• The Deer Hunter
• The Thorn Birds
• The Cider House Rules
• The Last Samurai
• Save the Last Dance
• Hotel Rwanda

Just a short list of the movies I like.

What are your favorite movies?

Lots Of Things

This day was productive.

I made several bead rings. These will be offered for sale at Pau Wau this year. 

My hubby's friend went with me to the paid storage building and we got the sewing machine, lots of cloth, and a few odds and ends.

We came back and straightened up the storage building here--hoping that will be a full fledged Craft Room by January--hint, hint Honey. (My birthday is in January.)

Then, we realized we had to go back over to the paid storage building as my jewelry making supplies were not here. Note-It was starting to storm outside. Luckily the rain held off a few hours.

Brought a box in the house that needs to be gone through. Bet most of it can be trashed.

Sat down and watched "Every Which Way But Loose" while I beaded "Dakota" in pale yellow with a pale green background.

Yes, it is very hard to read. I believe it will be made into a choker for her. She's still too small for a bracelet with her name. Little bugger, she pulls her earrings out then tries to take her Mom's out!

Giorgianna and I went to Linden, Tennessee the other day. Stopped at the Cane Creek Market. Bought a new mortar and pestle, Farmer's Cheese, Sharp Cheddar Cheese, bologna, and oil based natural flaorings to use in some of my products.

Nothing like shopping at a true country market!

Hubby has been sickly the last few days--seems to have bronchitis, but you know these hard headed men!!! Refuses to go to the doctor. Of course going to the VA can be a true pain at times.

Had a pattern made to make Ms. Robbie some jumpsuits that zip up the back--she has an annoying habit of taking her Depends off and then wetting herself. She also has developed a habit of tearing them apart and flushing them down the toilet.  That gell just swells and stops it up. A friend snaked the toilet for us last week.  She will also play in the poop in the toilet--this was the best way I could figure to stop these activities.

I will be working on getting at least three made this week.


Here are some pictures one is the bead work for Dakota's choker and the other some of the bead rings: